Eric P. Metze
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Connections
Growing up in this society Tends to erase the variety By restricting your options And forcing conformation People say it’s not okay To do this or do that But somehow, for some reason Its okay to be stupid but not fat. Everything that we say Is subject to fierce scrutiny. And everything that we do…
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Teaching Science from a Christian Perspective
My girlfriend’s younger brother is doing homeschool this semester, and we just happened to stop by and see his textbooks. At first, I thought nothing of it, but then I actually read the thing. This book, supposedly a learning tool, does its best to defame science as a working tool to understanding our universe. I…
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Git Yer Guns Up!
A strange ritual occurs in our stands every home game. When someone on the field fails to get up after the play, the crowd suddenly demands silence and hands in the air. The problem here is the hypocritical nature of it all. I realize this is to show respect for the downed player, but since…
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Honk If You Hate Noise Pollution
I am not sure who you are to complain to about these things, but I thought I would start here. I attend Texas Tech University, and I really enjoy having the opportunity to walk to class among the manicured landscape, relaxing fountains, attractive architecture and (fairly) diverse population, especially now that it is springtime. The…
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My History of the Internet
There was a computer class that I took in high school that was absolutely terrible. The school year was 1993-1994, and I was a sophomore. We learned how to use a simple word processing program (that was already outdated), and that was basically it for the entire semester. The students (myself included) in that class…
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Wedding Bandits
I wish that when people saw a wedding band, it meant more that showing to other people that they are no longer “available.” People should see the band and smile to know that they have a significant other somewhere in the world for them. Some people use the band like a magical shield against possible…
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Humanity’s Role in Evolution
Some people fear the idea of some form of artificial intelligence taking over the world and killing everyone. While this is probably the most extreme outcome, it is generally our worst fears that motivate us most. If we were to create a true kind of artificial intelligence that was actually able to think for itself…
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Attack on America: My First Reaction
About an hour ago Kari woke me up talking about planes and hijacking or something. She was so serious that I hopped immediately out of bed and we flipped on the television. Slowly it occurred to me how serious this really was. I saw the tower of the World Trade Center smoking like an oil…
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Statue of Oxidated Liberty
I would like to see something done about the discoloration of the Statue of Liberty. Not many people realize that the distinctive green color that is associated with the statue is different from its natural color. It is a copper structure, and it has been weathered from constant exposure to the Atlantic winds. I suggest…
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A Flowing Event
This is the first complete short story I wrote in college. It was for one of my first English classes and no particular directive.
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My Stance on Cloning
Whether you like it or not, human cloning is on it’s way. In fact, it is so much on it’s way that it is quite possible that at the time of this writing, a human being may now be growing up as a direct result of being cloned. These ethical implications and moral questions are…
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My Stance on Jesus Christ
Let one of my favorite fictional characters take over for a moment and I will get right back to you… “I’m a Christian in the sense that I find Jesus Christ to be an admirable historical figure. I think the Sermon on the Mount is one of the greatest ethical statements and one of the…
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A Thought Experiment
Where does a good story begin? In a dark, wet alleyway of a large city? How about a cotton field in Texas? A business cubicle just before midnight? No. It starts inside an atom, just inside the electron shell. The hum of the spinning protons, neutrons and electrons create a weird echo in here. We…
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instruMENTAL: A Dream Theater Medley
This is a piece that I mixed together when I first discovered Cool Edit Pro (which is now called Adobe Audition). It’s a wacky remix/homage/compilation thing that is made of the intense and instrumental moments from Dream Theater’s first few albums. I would like to make another one, but there are twice as many albums…
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50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering. “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut up!” Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly. Sell Girl…
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Going to fail an exam? Try these!
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming, “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!” Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk…
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For Help, Press F1
Why do you punish people, For doing what they enjoy? Would you punish a little child, For playing with his favorite toy? If I am going to suffer, I‘ll do these things anyway, For if I‘m going to roast, I‘ll enjoy myself today. (Chorus) Of all of the abilities you gave me, Why did you…
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Nessie
This is the first short story I ever wrote. It is, unfortunately, based on an entirely true story. I got tired of telling over and over again.