Quotes

If I’ve learned only one thing over the past year, it’s that everyone looks ridiculous if you pause their footage at the right moment.

Jan 11, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Your clickbait is bad and you should feel bad.

Jan 8, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
In all seriousness, I need something like a cattle guard to keep my cats from standing in front of my monitors while I work.

Jan 6, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
After exactly two-and-a-half months without internet, I’m officially back online. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Dec 24, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Marty McFly Has Arrived

Oct 21, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I’ve finally adjusted to the local time zone, so you know what that means: time to fly several hours to a different time zone!

Oct 19, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Day 2 of #Worlds Quarterfinals, now with 100% more Meghan Camarena!

Oct 18, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Images
The guy on the plane beside me was merely annoying right up until the moment he started puking everywhere. Now there are no words. Luckily for me, this flight is only 8 hours long!

Oct 15, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Just spent the weekend with this fabulous trio.

Oct 11, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Images
Death is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Oct 8, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
The palpable frustration filling my social media feed is a huge reason why I don’t follow sports anymore.

Oct 3, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Ambivalence has done more harm than extremism ever could.

Oct 2, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
Anyone who suggests that mass shootings are orchestrated in order to take away our guns should be forced to give up their guns because they’re too stupid to use them responsibly.

Oct 1, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Opinion, Updates
population of India: 1.25 billion; population of China: 1.36 billion; population of Facebook: 1.47 billion

Sep 27, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Confession: I’ve had meals that cost $100 that were just as satisfying as a $1 cheeseburger.

Sep 21, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
31% of the world is Christian and 23% of the world is Muslim. Guess which group is third.

Sep 15, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
There was a time when having a lot of cash on me meant I was doing something right, but now it usually means I’ve done something wrong.

Sep 14, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
The worst part about being a hater must be that feeling that everyone always seems to be working against you.

Sep 4, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
The best thing about admitting you’re wrong is that you no longer are.

Aug 9, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Being single is fun, except when it isn’t, and then it really isn’t.

Aug 3, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
The problem with playing the religious card is that everyone has one and they’re all of equal value.

Jun 29, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
When you ignore or excuse an abuse of power, you are partly to blame when it happens again.

Jun 9, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Critics are more like alchemists than chemists.

May 14, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
There’s literally billions of people whom will be annoyed by this sentence, and alot of its because your not.

May 8, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Springtime does to the rest of the animal kingdom what wine and chocolate do to us.

Apr 21, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
The best and worst thing about having a large bed is having it all to yourself.

Apr 4, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
The next time someone says something unbelievable, remember that we have a holiday dedicated to the gullible.

Apr 1, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Every time someone says, “You don’t know what it’s like to be a parent,” all I can hear is, “I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a child.”

Mar 6, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Some of the most intolerant people I have ever encountered genuinely believe they are the most tolerant.

Jan 30, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
I don’t mind finding a new gray hair because I feel like I’ve earned it.

Jan 26, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Don’t let your talent for dodging Fate’s bullets cause you to miss Cupid’s arrows.

Jan 9, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
Scars can be so beautiful.

Jan 2, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
One of the most beautiful phrases in English is: I met someone.

Dec 23, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
One thing I know for sure is that there’s probably nothing I know for sure.

Nov 26, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
I’ve learned to recognize when I’m right only because I’ve learned to recognize when I’m wrong.

Nov 5, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
If a butterfly can flap its wings and change global weather patterns, imagine how much you impact the world.

Oct 26, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
Art is supposed to move you even if it pushes you away.

Oct 24, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
A bad metaphor is like a bad wine: if you drink enough, who cares?

Oct 11, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms, Updates
Work all day so you can play all night.

Sep 25, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
Complaining about a democracy you won’t participate in is like complaining about a god you don’t believe in.

Sep 13, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
Get yourself stuck in each other’s minds, if only for a moment or two.

Sep 12, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms
The one that got away is you.

Aug 24, 2014

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Pithy Aphorisms