humor
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I’m not used to parking large vehicles.
I parked my dad’s brand new truck yesterday, and came within an inch of a metal pole.
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I’m passing this on because it worked for me today.
I’m passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start. I looked around my house to find things I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnnay, a bag of weed,…
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Joss Whedon on Strong Female Characters
Joss Whedon was asked, “Why do you write strong female characters?” He replied, “Because you’re still asking me that question.”
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Q: Why the cross?
Q: Why the cross ?????? Evil is all around us. I get that. Why do people use , in my humble opinion , a negative symbol of Christ? A cross is what he was killed on. I don’t want that around my neck. And what is a symbol going to do for you anyway? When…
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Wassup (2008)
By now, everyone has seen this video… But have you seen this one? Brilliant! I think it’ll take a lot of explaining for my children to understand the importance and all the nuance of this video. I love that they were able to get most of the same actors together to recreate it. It would…
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Why I Miss Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle’s show was absolutely brilliant for the first couple seasons because he got to be open about humor with complete disregard for race. It allowed for some truly historic moments that I know they will talk about in documentaries and history books decades from now. For example, there is this skit about Clayton Bigsby.…
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Why Janice Is/Isn’t a Republican
I received an email the other day from a family member that told a parable disguised as a political joke. It takes on a distinctly biased approach and misrepresents the other side completely. Annoyed and frustrated, I did the only thing I really could: I parodied it. “Why Janice IS a Republican” Janice was about…
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Stewart-Colbert2008.org Now Online
It’s time to change the sheets! Let the campaign for a new America begin! It’s not official yet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start the groundswell of support. Sure, it’s a bit cynical of us to want a couple of television stars to run the nation, but if an actor can get elected as…
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The Drug Dealer
This was an assignment where I was supposed to read T. Coraghessan Boyle’s “The Hit Man” and rewrite it using any other profession. It is intended to be a humorous piece about the life of a drug dealer. Special thanks to Boyle for not suing me (yet) for “borrowing” the idea. Try not to take…
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Out of Palce
I was not in my right mind, I think. While on vacation in Constantinople, I thought I found a nice local café Where I could snuggle up with a dry martini. I thought I’d found a cozy place, But discovered my mistake too late. I sat down at a round table, with only one chair,…
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Hey Babe
I’ll read this note aloud to you now, So you can laugh at me later. It won’t take long, so don’t interrupt, In fact, it’s halfway over. Come cruise with me onboard the Eclipse, And bake the bread of knowledge. I learned today of the coelacanth, Heresy, it seems, is taught in college.
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A Sudden Waste of Time
After breakfast, in my silly slippers and cotton pajamas, I shuffled out into the cold of morning to retrieve my mail. Among the coupons I’ll never use and advertisements I’ll never read, Was a letter with a smiley face where the return address should have been. Starting to shiver slightly, I opened it, And though…
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Introinspection
I find a nice park bench to rest for a moment, While the ambience of the city roars all around me. Here in the shade, near a busy playground, My mind goes idle, and I open my treat. The soft brown cube disappears in my mouth: The warm, buttery sweetness of creamy, melted caramel. My…
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While Watching the News
One sock, two sock, Red sock, blue sock. What the hell? That’s not a pair. Shorts, shirts, pants and underwear. After work on my neighbor’s Sabbath Is my time to unwind and relax my mind. I stretch and I fold, I smooth and I sort, I bring order to the bedlam. The only thing…to interrupt…
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Grammer
Speaking English is not hard Though one could hardly tell. Just walk this nation, from coast to coast And you’ll experience linguist’s Hell. In one place, a metaphor Would make but perfect sense. But then there’s the misunderstanding That makes the mood too tense. When in Rome, speak like Texans It’s possible to start a…
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50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering. “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut up!” Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly. Sell Girl…
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Going to fail an exam? Try these!
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming, “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!” Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk…