Statuses

Anyone who believes this nation doesn’t have a serious problem with racism must not use the same internet I do.

Jul 16, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Have you ever clicked a link and lost an hour of your life surfing randomly? On a related note, why do people ask rhetorical questions?

Jul 15, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dear firefighters of America, thank you for everything you do, and please forgive us for what we are going to do over the next couple days.

Jul 3, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I love waking up to find out that my bad dream was just that.

Jul 2, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
You are not pro-life unless you care about people after they’re born.

Jun 26, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Don’t confuse my intolerance for bullshit with your definition of bigotry.

Jun 26, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
If you’re a woman in Texas you should know the GOP thinks you’re sub-human.

Jun 25, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
The most important person of the day is Wendy Davis…

Jun 25, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates

The most important person of the day is Wendy Davis, but her works will literally last for generations. I’m even going to use a freakin’ hash tag: #StandWithWendy
I could start my own personal “Texts from Last Night” collection, which means I definitely shouldn’t.

Jun 22, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
My cousin was cool enough to find an excuse for me to chat with this really cute girl, and I was cool enough to totally blow it.

Jun 15, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Almost every time I ask a question that starts with, “Is it weird that I…” it means the answer is yes.

Jun 13, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
My favorite thing about being called a troll by a troll is imagining them sitting there eagerly waiting for a response that will never come.

Jun 5, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I used my GPS system to find an ATM machine, and then the CIA agency contacted me because I used the wrong PIN number.

May 31, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I’m afraid I’ll spend the remainder of my adult life compromising my need to be honest with people for their inability to deal with the truth.

May 23, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I have a lot to learn about life and relationships, but one thing I do know is how unwise it is to mistreat the people that know you the best.

May 18, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I love Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert because they remind me that Americans aren’t completely insane.

May 13, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
“If you’ve ever used the word ‘liberal’ as an insult, you might be a redneck.” ~Jeff Fauxworthy

May 4, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dedicating a library to Dubya is like dedicating a battleship to Gandhi.

Apr 25, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I love it when someone contacts me while I’m thinking about them.

Apr 13, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
One decent conversation between people who do not agree is more valuable than a million “like if you agree” posts.

Apr 9, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
That awkward moment when you come face-to-face with someone who has un-friended you…

Feb 1, 2013

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
When someone says I’m rambling it’s usually because they haven’t given me time to finish my point.

Jan 25, 2013

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
If there’s one thing all this apocalypse talk should teach us it’s that we have way too many scientifically illiterate people in the world.

Dec 21, 2012

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
You know why I like cat owners? You can’t fool a cat into thinking you’re a good person.

Dec 21, 2012

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates
There are few things that piss me off more than people who try to avoid or suppress discussions about guns. If you’re a responsible adult then act like it.

Dec 16, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
“That’s why I’m vegan.”

Dec 6, 2012

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Eric P. Metze

in Updates

If you’re chatting with someone who is talking about their health issues, and your addition to the conversation is to say, “That’s why I’m vegan.” Then you should be aware that you’re also a huge douche.
If you really believe that the world’s going to end this month, could you please email me your credit card information?

Dec 6, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Yes I Did (again)

Nov 6, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Images
Game over. Obama wins.

Nov 6, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I had to leave the Tech game out of fear of being arrested. I’ll post a video about it once it’s published to YouTube.

Nov 3, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Wow, Rmoney is a douche.

Oct 16, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Blog
If a zombie attacked you right now, what could you defend yourself with? It has to be close enough that you can reach it before the zombie reaches you.

Aug 8, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
If you’ve ever played a song for your parents that they absolutely hated, what was it?

Aug 7, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
We’re on Mars, y’all.

Aug 6, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day

Aug 1, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
#RomneyShambles

Jul 26, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates

Funny stuff.
If you look to a fast food chain to reaffirm your beliefs then it’s no wonder you don’t realize that you’re coming across as hateful.

Jul 24, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
MLK on Altruism

Jul 14, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I have to be honest…

Jun 29, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates

I have to be honest, it’s nice to know that millions of Americans are finally experiencing what I felt for eight years under Dubya.
If you’re not afraid to bob your head in public to a groovy song, then you are groovy to me.

Jun 7, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks, “Can you make me one with everything?”

Apr 19, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I discovered this weekend that my bird, a moluccan cockatoo, has chosen me as a mate. I guess that means I should update my relationship status to “It’s complicated.”

Feb 27, 2012

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates