Statuses

Every time I move I question why I even own lamps.

Sep 10, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I’ve lived in the Dallas area for three years, and I have never been the victim of a prosectuable crime. I have, however, been cheated out of several hundred dollars by people that hide behind desks and technicalities. These days, most thieves work within the bounds of the law.

Sep 9, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Opinion, Updates
When I was a little kid, I used to think the term “honky” referred to the fact that white people always seem to be honking at each other. #truestory

Aug 31, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
They should make an open world videogame where everyone is randomly put into different classes/races and call it: C’est La Vie.

Aug 16, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Opinion, Updates
I’m holding my infant niece at a gas station, and she starts crying like the world is ending. A total stranger walks up and with a smile he says, “Don’t worry, bud. It gets better.”

Aug 14, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
There were five mass shootings in the US yesterday, and virtually no one seemed to notice.

Aug 9, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dear Hype, please stop ruining everything wonderful.

Aug 9, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Opinion, Updates
I take no pleasure in watching the party of most of my friends and family tear itself apart. A democracy only works when it properly represents everyone, not just those who have hijacked it.

Jul 21, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Of all the things you could do with your life, why would you waste it by taking someone else’s?

Jul 14, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Complaining about Pokémon Go on social media is like complaining about sports at a soccer match.

Jul 13, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I love that we live in an era where information is available to so many, but I hate the fact that skepticism and critical thinking are taught to so few.

Jul 13, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Opinion, Updates
I realize I’m kind of a nerd. But in my defense, I am kind of a nerd.

Apr 7, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I just laughed so hard I feared for my life.

Feb 9, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what you believe as long as you have no association with a towing company.

Feb 6, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I don’t mean to overgeneralize, but you people are beautiful.

Jan 21, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dallas: where traffic can be caused by something as innocuous as overcast skies.

Jan 21, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I’m proud to admit that I haven’t wasted a single penny on the lottery since the day I realized that it’s just a tax for people who ignore the math.

Jan 13, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
You remind me of the babe.

Jan 11, 2016

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
This week’s weather is brought to you by Star Wars: The Force Awakens! In theaters now!

Dec 28, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Consider this: The Force Awakens is currently the highest-rated Star Wars movie on Rotten Tomatoes.

Dec 23, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
What you need to know about The Force Awakens: it was totally worth the wait and you need to see it before the Internet ruins it for you.

Dec 17, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
That awkward moment when the loyalty you have for someone runs deeper than the respect they have for themselves.

Sep 2, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Blue Bell ice cream has killed more Americans than Ebola.

Sep 1, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Back in my day, it was called a pound sign. And we liked it that way! #GetOffMyLawn

Aug 29, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I’d have a lot more respect for law enforcement if they were also forced to respect the law.

Aug 27, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
ICYMI: The geeks have inherited the Earth.

Aug 17, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Can I just say “bless you” now to everyone and never feel awkward about not doing it again for the rest of my life?

Aug 15, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dear autocorrect, I’m from Texas. I type y’all way more often than tall.

Aug 9, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
No offense, but if you’re watching the debate right now I’m judging you like I would someone watching the Karsashians.

Aug 6, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I just googled: permanently block Bing.

Aug 5, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
If Facebook has taught me anything, it’s that people do the most unnecessary things to their children.

Jul 31, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Trump will never be president. His only reason for running is to make the other candidates seem more moderate.

Jul 24, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
It speaks volumes about our nation’s priorities when we lower our flags for military members but not for our other citizens.

Jul 22, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
The weekend is officially upon us. Remember: Uber is cheaper than a DWI.

Jul 17, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Teeth are a pretty good argument against intelligent design.

Jul 14, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
RIP Satoru Iwata 🙁

Jul 12, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Silliest thing I’ve read all day: “You can’t spell healthcare without THC!”

Jul 6, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
BREAKING NEWS: The sun will rise tomorrow, billions of people love each other, things are generally going to be okay, and life will find a way.

Jul 1, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I just submitted my book for publication. On a related note, it sure is hard to type with your fingers crossed.

Jun 1, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
I have almost no empathy for apathy.

May 29, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
One of the things this world needs is a death metal version of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” #noreally

May 27, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates
Dear California, Your water was delivered to us by mistake. Please come pick it up as soon as possible. Sincerely, Texas

May 26, 2015

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by

Eric P. Metze

in Updates