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Category: Statuses

December 31 2018

2019’s New Year’s resolution is 5760×1080.

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May 27 2017

I just got caught in the middle of a field as the sprinklers turned on. My first thought was, “It’s all good. Video games have trained me for this.”

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May 11 2017

I really need a kid so I have an excuse to buy toys for myself. I mean for them. I mean for myself.

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April 6 2017

I will never forget that March 19th, 2003 was the day our president set us on a path to war that–fourteen years later–still hasn’t ended.

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February 14 2017

Y’all remember when the news was vetted by journalists, not just anyone with an email address? Good times.

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January 30 2017

The top lawyer in the U.S. was just fired for having a different interpretation of the law than a president who has never studied it.

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January 25 2017

Virtually everything has a spell-checker, yet many people still won’t use them. That doesn’t give me a lot of enthusiasm for fact-checkers.

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January 20 2017

Stop using politics as an excuse to get out of adult conversations.

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January 11 2017

Everything you need to know about @realDonaldTrump is that he believes @CNN is “fake news” but @PrisonPlanetTV is actual journalism.

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January 10 2017

The irony of having such pleasant weather in January is that the weather isn’t supposed to be pleasant in January.

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