Eric P. Metze

Look closer.

I get a lot of spam. Who doesn’t? Fortunately, I have Gmail and less than 0.01% gets through to me. Most of the time I just report it and go about my business. But I happened to read this one and I’ve gotta admit I still don’t know what the hell they want from me. They don’t even have a link that I can click (if I was stupid enough to fall for whatever scam they’re attempting). Can you figure it out?

Dear Sir
Delinquent Account Services.
This is a request from our company for your legal consultation services on behalf of Wong Chow Company Limited. We are based in Hong Kong and our principal activity is manufacturing/producing textile Products, textile manufacturing material, Yarn Products and other knitting cloth Works. Other activities include constructing, provision of investment services. We are presently incapacitated due to international legal boundaries to exert pressure on our delinquent customers in USA, UP North and Europe. We request for your services accordingly.

We got your contact profile through the lawyer’s network and after going through your profile, we are of the convention that you are qualified to provide the legal services we require. Please accept my sincerest appreciation on behalf of Wong Chow Company Limited, in advance for your willingness to render your services to our company.
We wait to hear from you
Amed Fasasi

So my question is, what is the point? Are they just trying to annoy people or do they have some other, more nefarious intention? Either way, it’s amazing to me what worthless crap gets passed along via the internet. And yes, I’m aware of the irony of passing that crap onto you. It’s just that it was so remarkably incomprehensable that I had to share.

If you’re voting for McCain and Palin even after they engage in tactics like these, don’t fool yourself: you are voting for evil.  You’re already reading my post, so why not read the article that inspired it? Palin hits Obama for ‘terrorist’ connection

Unsubstantiated bullshit like this is what led us into a disastrous war and only further contributes to the decline of our once-great nation. It is an insult to the intelligence of the American voter because it takes advantage of the fact that a vast majority of us won’t take the time to find out the truth. People hear Palin say Obama has ties to terrorism and people gobble that crap up. She is deliberately lying to her potential constituents because she knows it’s easier than the truth. Why doesn’t this piss Republicans off? We are supposed to trust our leaders because they have our best interests in mind, and yet it seems like the only thing McCain and Palin want to do is win the election. They could care less about what we want as long as they get their way. And in case you’ve been asleep the past eight years, the Republican party will say/do anything is order to get what it wants.

I just wish incidents like this would motivate all those decent Republicans to reclaim their party from people like Palin, Cheney, and Guiliani.

Please, please – if you’re still using Internet Explorer 6, STOP!

Why? Microsoft wants you to. IE6 has many issues with security and display. Comedy Central wants you to. Once you upgrade to FireFox (Windows or Mac), or IE7 (Windows), you’ll get faster download times, smoother animations and better looking pages.

All of the new browsers have useful new features that IE6 doesn’t, such as tabbed browsing (multiple pages displayed conveniently in a single window).

Click on any of the links above to upgrade to the latest version of one of the browsers mentioned for FREE!

Why You Can’t Get Your Hands on a Wii Annotated

• I have owned a Nintendo since 1985, and I’ve never owned an Xbox, a Sega, a PlayStation, or anything since my Atari when I was (literally) too young to walk. So, Nintendo’s success here is kind of a great thing for me to watch. The sad irony is that I have patiently waited for almost two years to get my hands on one. Mostly because my video game fix comes from programming on my laptop, but mostly because I refuse to pay over retail price for it. Still, it’s getting harder to resist this “toy.” Now, that seems like brilliant marketing…
  – post by metzae

All late night talk shows (aside from the Daily Show and the Colbert Report) are lame and practically worthless. They’re formulaic, unoriginal, and pander to the widest audience possible. Half of the population has a below-average IQ, so their content has pretty much the same level of complexity. At least the Daily Show and the Colbert Report are topical, intelligent, and genuinely funny almost every night (except for the interviews, which I rarely watch). When one of the other shows makes fun of politicians, it’s watered down because they have a much larger audience to consider.

And I suppose that’s really what I don’t like about the late night shows. They’re all so watered down that they’re uninteresting and almost completely lacking in entertainment value to me. For example, I used to love watching Carson Daly when he first got his late show. He and a guest would sit down and have a chat for half an hour. But, I accidentally tuned in the other day to find a completely different dressed in his skin. Now I absolutely cannot watch Carson Daly for more than ten seconds. He wants to be Johnny Carson so bad, the poor sap.

Why is that? Who knows. But, it’s probably because this is a different generation than Johnny Carson’s. There are different…um…standards that the newer audiences are used to. We like our jokes dirtier (i.e., more genuine) than our parent’s and grandparent’s generations (thank God). Seriously, it’s increasingly strange to think that “dirty” jokes are actually dirty. It’s just a generational thing, that’s all. And so the hosts feel the need to be on the cutting edge, as it were. The content of the jokes changes with each generation, but really, everyone wants to be Johnny Carson.

Also, our generation just LOVES bands. Wee hoo! Boy, do we love bands! Bands and music and American Idol and other mind-numbing stuff to keep us from worrying about reality. We love bands whether they’re good or not, and most of the bands on television these days are completely worthless shit. Every Creed and Nickelback wannabe band (including Creed and Nickelback) just plays into the lame ass standards set forth by producers, not listeners. I mean, a Christian band that has ZERO Christian relevance? What the hell!? But, I digress…

Johnny’s Tonight Show formula has influenced every late show that’s on television right now, as if there’s only one way to do it. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, it goes something like this:

They introduce the host as though they are the center of the universe, the host comes out to a band and a cheering audience, the crowd cheers for a little while longer, then the host tells a bunch of “topical” jokes, then they mention the band leader, the cameras cut to the band leader who plays a short piece that people might recognize, then they cut back to the host who has magically teleported to their desk, then they have a humorous bit before they go to commercial, they come back from commercial and have another humorous bit, then they introduce their first guest, second guest, musical guest, who could’ve guessed, rinse, repeat. Feh.

I wonder when they’re going to break the mold and try something different…I mean, besides dirtier jokes and better music. If only Johnny was here to help.